God's Way Is My Way, His Will Is My Will Because I Choose Him Above Me - Past The Storm

Since I was about the age of five, people had told me I was very talented and artistic. Being an artist, for me, it's something that I felt chose me a long time ago. It's part of who I am, like as if it was part of my DNA. And I do love it. It wasn't until very recently that I decided to paint again and I did so more for my personal satisfaction and the joy I feel in visually expressing the meaningful thoughts and feelings I get to live. I am very attached to my paintings and I do not accustom to openly share them with others for some time after they are created. My art is the most intimate part of who I am at the core. Thus, I feel like I need to spend adequate personal time with something I create, post creation, so I can appreciate it fully. This in itself makes it very hard for me to depart away from any of my paintings. I know this sounds silly, for paintings have no flesh or bones and could never be compared to a living child, but for me it will be the closest I will ever know to having children of my own. My artwork is very alive to me and a lively part of who I am.

I am happy to share that today, February 20, 2022, I sold my first original painting to a lovely, local gentleman by the name of Wayne Haas. Originally, it was not my intention to sell any of my art until my first full collection was completed. However, when I first spoke to Wayne on the telephone, he had remarked how my painting Past The Storm felt like a new beginning to him, probably the new beginning he longs for. This took my breath away. With everything that is going on in this world, everyone should be looking at tomorrow as a new beginning. Wayne's initial description of my painting touched me so deeply I had no alternative but to consider selling him my art. We all deserve a good, new beginning. Wayne deserves it, I deserve it, all good people on this earth deserve that. But what a fond memory this will be for the rest of my life, that the first original painting I ever sold so happened to be during a world pandemic, all meanwhile I am battling to get through my BPPV condition, because of a man who walked into my life and saw something priceless in my work he wanted to have as his own. Words cannot fully express the gratitude I feel.

"My first like of Past the Storm in your web gallery was the vibrant colors, inner self emotions of life's storms I felt and the wonderful healing times afterwards. Seeing it while at lunch in person, today, was: Love at first sight!" - Wayne Haas

It is my life's greatest ambition, to continue to inspire others to seek the meaningful and the profound. Despite that my daytime job is far from artistic but rather analytical, I make time to use my creative efforts during my free time in order to continue pursuing this grand ambition. All of my efforts are ultimately to bring about goodness to my fellow men and women whom I wish to serve by sharing with them what life has taught me. However, I am a Capricorn and if you know anything about Capricorns we tend to be very strong-headed people. We have our ways and principles to which we adhere ardently, unless we are proven wrong. Those who know me well, know that everything I do has a "Carmen-way" to it. For example, I do not want to sell prints of my art. I think that is for sales people not the actual artist. I want to preserve the traditional way of selling art, that is the real art I created with my strokes of brush, pallet knife, sponge, or whatever other tool I use. This is something I can actually call and own by stating it is my art indeed and I don't want to differ from this way of doing things because I think it's special and authentic. Instead of pursuing a money making factory, which print selling would feel like for me and my soul, I want to sell personally my original art to a person who actually appreciates the time, talent, effort, perseverance, persistence, patience, and heart and soul poured by me into the art making process. In this way, I am proud to be the stubborn so perhaps labeled at times Capricorn. Not saying print selling is not a great option for humanity because original art is expensive and not everyone can afford originals. Perhaps someday I will change my mind and decide to sell prints myself but for now I stick to selling original art only because this is what true art is for me and my heart. Talking about stubborn... this is where God plays a big part in my life.

Many years ago, before I became a Christian in the pure sense of the meaning of the word, I kept hearing this common phrase "God's way is not your way, his will is not your will." That always bothered me because it sounded like something someone once said to cope with life and find some sort of comfort in knowing something didn't quite work out as he or she desired. Something about this phrase bothered me for a long time; it just felt off. When you surrender to God and want his will above yours, his will is your will because you surrender your will and happily do so in exchange for his. In other words, you want his will more than you want your own; thus, his will becomes your will for your own life. When you love God immensely, you surrender your way trusting that God knows what way is best. Because once again you surrender your desires for his desires for your life, God's ways become your ways. So, whenever I hear this phrase, "God's way is not your way, his will is not your will" I know why for so long it bothered me, and that is indeed because God's way is my way, his will is my will because I choose Him above me. When you finally get to this point in your faith, assuming you believe in such a thing and do, your life will change forever. You will be a much more graceful human being. You'll live happy not depending on what events do to you but on what you do with your every day of life regardless of what life throws at you. You begin to own your decisions and be grateful and mindful of what you do have. What's missing won't occupy so much space in your brain and you will be refreshed by the idea that every day is an opportunity for something better than you and what you do know thus far. Wayne was that opportunity for me today. Thus, despite being reluctant initially to sell my art, I was changed in my feeling this way about it because God put this opportunity before my very life to show me that his way is indeed better and I did not fail to surrender my way which resulted in me selling my painting and blessing Wayne's life in return. In the end, both Wayne and I have been extremely blessed by this one event in our lives that shall remain for the rest of our living days - unforgettable. And, lastly, to his surprise he found out today that a heart and a swimming mermaid were hidden in between the brushstrokes. That was indeed a lovely surprise for Wayne.

Lastly, Wayne has also purchased my book A Poetess' First Flight and decided to email me his initial reflections on my poetry. I feel beyond grateful for his words and the fact that my poetry could touch his life in a positive way. I am also grateful that he took the time to share his reflections with me.

"Your poems and art are full of love, goodness and truths. Thank you for being a positive influence in my life so new beginnings can be realized. I thank God for connecting us to have this experience." - Wayne Haas

Shared With An Open And Honest Heart

Carmen A. Cisnadean

The Creative Visionary